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Monday, January 1, 2018

My Word for 2018: Authentic

I started praying about my word for 2018 a couple weeks ago, and while I didn't know what the word would be, something told me it would be a word I would resist.

Of course, I mostly ignored that feeling, kept pretending I was eagerly looking for my word, and I actually started tuning out those little nudges that would reveal it to me. I began looking for a word that sounded more appealing.

I'm an Enneagram type 3. If you aren't familiar with the Enneagram, or specifically this number, this is the Performer/Achiever type. We go to great lengths to achieve what we think others may perceive as success, and reality is that we're usually pretty good at it too. This obviously looks different for all type 3s... for some it may be fame or fortune while for others it may be being a mom to 5 kids, a wife to a dreamer, and a dean of students at the age of 26. 😉 Enneagram 3's may have big feelings, but we also have the hardest time accessing those feelings. Why feel when there is a task at hand that needs to be done?

You can probably imagine that it's easy for us concerned with performing and achieving that we can lose our way in it all. A deep fear of type 3's is that when the performance mask is removed there will be nothing lovable, nothing worth noticing, behind it. Ouch. I don't even like typing that out.

While resisting the word I didn't want to hear, I thought up a better word! How successful of me!

Faithful. I need to be more devoted. Full of faith. Steadfast. Firm.

Yes. What a great word! Something I can work on, something to achieve, more faithfulness. I'll even find some verses to go with it.

But this afternoon my husband, who is working on his own self-awareness too, told me about a podcast he listened to that "might be helpful" for me. Hmm.

Being a 3 I multi-tasked and researched verses for my word Faithful while listening.

It came to a part of the podcast that caused me to pause. The type 3 guest, being very vulnerable, said "Grace sounded like a great thing for me to learn about. I wanted to know more about this grace thing. I just didn't want to need grace. Becuase that meant that I had somehow failed." Ouch again.

Then the real word came.

Authentic.

I'm not a fake person. I really do love the people around me and am motivated by a love for them that pushes me to do what I do. I don't just put on a good show for the heck of it. However, I wrestle with sincere authenticity. Because looking behind the mask that this girl wears is ugly sometimes. I would rather the world just see the good stuff, the less painful stuff.

  1. Authentic: of undisputed origin; genuine.

I've read some great books this year that have worked on this area of my heart. Scary Close by Donald Miller, Unashamed by Christine Caine, and The Road Back to You by Ian Cron were all really helpful in beginning to peel the layers back on this subject of "realness" for me. The word feels a little foreign to me at the moment. Like something that sounds good, but I don't really know what it will bring for this year. This has been a vulnerable thing for me to even write all out. But here is to 2018 being a year of learning and growing in authenticity.

Friday, December 22, 2017

#momlife #sahm #workingmom #christmasbreakguys





First day of break for me has looked like cleaning our bedroom (much overdue), organizing a teeny bit in the playroom, laundry, food in the crockpot, sweeping, cleaning up broken glass and getting cut, stopping a few arguments between the littles, a lot of "pick that up", more laundry, a big plate of nachos, and now some coffee and chill time while the kids eat a super weird lunch. There's still a lot of work to do. I'll get to it eventually...

Ha. ^^^This essentially was the majority of my days, majority of MY LIFE, for 5 years as a stay at home mom. 

How is it that all of my kids are school age again? I'm still in disbelief of that! But here we are, they're in school and I work. And honestly, my days feel a lot less weary and drawn out than when I was a SAHM. I think it's my personality type. I am so grateful for the years I could spend with them at home as they grew, but definitely glad to be in this new season. I get to use the skills and gifts God's given me to work with others outside of my home now, and I love it. 

I think this reflective post is to say this. I loved being a stay at home mom, despite how incredibly challenging it is, AND I love being a working mom, despite the grind. 

HUGE shout out to moms everywhere who hustle for their families in so many different ways. 
This is a tough gig, but we're rocking it. :)