Sunday, March 18, 2018

Broken people experiencing the Restorer

Yesterday the life left out of Kiah's eyes for 15 seconds. 

Eyes wide open, but nothing there.
His body stiff, but limp.

I didn't see it, but Kolby did. 

I saw a limp, unresponsive Kiah whimpering and coming back to, looking but not seeing us, and then attempting to fall asleep over and over for an hour and a half. Kolby is still physically recovering from his fall, but also recovering from the stress of seeing his son lifeless for 15 seconds.

Today Kiah is playing, whining about the usual things, currently wearing pants on his head as a "hat". He is completely Kiah again today. 

This is grace. It could have gone a very different direction. We aren't special people who deserve better than parents who have lost children to brain injuries/falls/accidents. God gives and takes away in His mercy and grace towards us in different seasons.

As we sang in church this morning, a song I've heard a hundred times, I was reminded of God's nature of restoring...

You give life
You are love
You bring light to the darkness
You give hope
You restore
Every heart that is broken
It's Your breath in our lungs
So we pour out our praise to You only

God gives us the very breath in our lungs. If you are reading this, it is because He is sustaining you even now.
One day the life will go out of Kiah's eyes and it won't come back. 

This temporary healing yesterday... we praise God for and we don't overlook the grace given. God never meant for us to experience trauma, loss, hurt, death... that all changed in the garden. 

Each temporary healing is a reminder of God's ultimate design... to one day fully restore us broken, fragile people and experience the One who restores forever.

Tuesday, March 13, 2018

"Your worth is not measured by your productivity"

Lack of sleep + time change + weepy children at 6:30am (again) + an unusually large workload this week = Tears for me this morning... 
which caused me to pause. 

The moment Becca said in the car on the way to school "Mommy, can I pray for you?" I was able to give grace to myself, because she did. 

Which is hard for an enneagram 3. 
Did you know enneagram 3's are more likely to have a caffeine addiction than type? 

I think it's because we can't stop working/hustling/going... or that means we suck. Gotta chug the caffeine when we feel like we're slowing down. Like at our core, we believe that if we stop (EX: stop to breathe, stop to rest, stop to be), we have no worth, no purpose, that being just who we are isn't enough. 

I'm choosing authenticity at the moment although I'm tense and #dontwanna but vulnerability breeds vulnerability is what Brene Brown says, so I'm trying.

My God says different about me than this whole work hard for your worth thing. 

So here's to not drowning in simply coffee today, but pausing to drown in His grace. #authentic 

(image stolen from this FB page)